I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
