we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
