The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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