You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Found your dick twin last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.