singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?