I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
