coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm really busy with my period
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