So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
