I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
