3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
