Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
