we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
