We need to start having sex underwater more often.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
