I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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