I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
