Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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