Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
