Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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