She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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