I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
