After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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