just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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