the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
