I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
