it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize