Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
