My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
