Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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