FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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