A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
