New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
