If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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