I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
