I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
