I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
