I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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