She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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