apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
