he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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