we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
