:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
