What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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