You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
