when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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