i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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