Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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