After last night, I could never be a politician.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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