I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
