just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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