We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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