I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
