we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
