We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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