Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
