I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
