hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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