Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
