Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
