she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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