Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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