and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
